What would you feel if one night your ex-boyfriend called you to tell that he’s going to get married by this year with a girl that his family chose for him?
Well, okay...
To be honest i didn't like to hear that.
Not because he is going to get marry, but because he's gonna marry someone who he didn't choose by himself. Well, i supposedly feel happy for him but what happen to me was different, I was unable to have that feeling. Why? Lets take a look of what he just told me:
1. he's about to marry
2. with a girl he barely know
3. by this year
4. the marriage is arranged by the family
As an ex-girlfriend and a friend I have no problem with condition number 1, but when it comes t condition number 2-4, want it or not, it worries me, a lot that I can’t feel happy for him. If only the girl is his own girlfriend or someone he choose himself and the marriage is not within this year I guess I wont feel this way. I just don’t think it suits him as a person that I know, since he always told me – even on our last talk– that there are many things he wants to pursue, higher education is on the top list and marriage will be after everything’s achieved, so it is basically not a priority for him. But then again, who am I to judge..
Now, what would you feel if after telling the whole story about his arranged wedding, the same person say that actually he still really love you?
……………
Yup, silence is my first response, and then a lot of emotions mixed into - I don’t know- nothing I guess.. I mean, what’s the point of telling me at this very moment? Its not gonna change anything right? He’ll still get married anyway, and me? I’m still the same girl trying to pursue my happiness and dreams.
That night he told me that he felt as if he was pulled into the a river and eventually just follow the stream.. I told him that at the moment he follows the river stream, that is his choice..
I’ve moved on, somehow. I chose to move on..
I’ve made my choice, and I know I didn’t and will never regret a single thing about it..
I’m not trying to be a wise person, but for me everything that happen in our life is actually the consequence of what we choose beforehand.
Because that what life is all about, choosing our own way…
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kurang lebih sama dengan postnya ninit yah.. :P
ReplyDeletegw juga nggak suka sama yg namanya dijodohin nyik.. that happened on me dan untunglah gw bisa menolaknya.. gw nggak bisa bayangin gw dalam satu ikatan sama orang yg i barely dont know..
iya ko, that's also make you and me similar..
ReplyDeletegw jg g suka dengan ide perjodohan, tp in the end it falls to your choice, mw nerima atw ga kan..
woww...
ReplyDeletesungguh erita yang mengharukan...
*lebay
tapi bener lho, dia nelpon elo di saat2 terakhir ke-single-an nya, cuman buat nanya apa elo masih punya perasaan yang sama ke dia...
klo gw jadi elo, gw ga cuma bakal speechless doank...
Tapi gw penasaran Ran, ini orang yang sama dengan yang di "Today, A Year Ago" ga sih???
ehem ehem..mirip story gw ya??gw speechless uey..but thank God i move on...if it ended this way, it's his lost not mine..
ReplyDeleteI read once somewhere that the divorce percentage of american couples is way above that of the indians. Americans choose their own partners, Indians have much less freedom when it comes to choosing a husband/wife. The parents choose for them. So it proves that marriage with a partner of your choice does not guarantee its success. I know many people whose marriages are arranged by their parents and their marriages last until "death do them part". I once read an Indian said that "The Americans pour hot soup into cold plate and let it cool down over time. The Indians put cold soup into a heated pan and warm it up over time". :)
ReplyDeleteWell, just another point of view :)
@firman arema: gw nggak liat di tingginya angka perceraian pasangan amerika ya.. tp apakah hubungan yg berhasil itu hubungan yg penuh tekanan?? gw liat wanita2 india nggak punya pilihan dalam nentuin jodohnya.. habis nikah, laki2nya sering main kasar klo nggak seneng dikit aja. karena disana kan laki-laki itu derajatnya jauh di atas perempuan. udah gitu, klo ada masalah, perempuan/istri selalu yg disalahkan (bahkan sama keluarganya sendiri). klo dia minta cerai, dia bakal diusir keluarganya karena dianggap bikin malu..
ReplyDeleteapakah pernikahan macam itu yg berhasil??
Niko, definisi lo untuk pernikahan yang berhasil itu gimana sih?
ReplyDeleteKl definisi gw, pernikahan yang berhasil itu yg LANGGENG.
Ini udah abad 21 loh bukan lagi jaman siti nurbaya. Kalo misalnya perempuan atau laki-laki merasa tertindas dalam pernikahan, atau merasa diselingkuhi, mereka gampang aja kok ngambil opsi cerai.
Dalam SEMUA relationship, pasti ada namanya cekcok dan tekanan lah.
Poin gw adalah, gw ga ngeliat nikah dijodohkan itu sebagai alasan bahwa pernikahan itu ga akan berhasil, dengan definisi berhasil yang gw sebut diatas.
Terbukti secara empirik. Banyak nikah perjodohan yang langgeng, banyak nikah sama sama suka/pilihan sendiri yang ga langgeng.
Kalo kasus yang lo sebut, yang laki kasar dll dst, hey, nikah yang dengan pacar pilihan sendiri yang udah pacaran bertaun2 pun bisa kejadian tuh. Liat aja tuh di tipi2, artis yang udah pacaran sekian taun, nikah sekian taun, akhirnya bubar juga dengan alesan macem-macem.
So ini bukan faktor karena dijodohkan. So my point remains valid, however you dislike it, that perjodohan atau bukan TIDAK menentukan keberhasilan pernikahan. Pernikahan dijodohkan bisa berhasil, sama seperti pernikahan dengan pilihan sendirijuga bisa berhasil.
Pernikahan dengan dijodohkan juga bsia gagal, sama seperti pernikahan dengan pilihan sendiri juga bisa gagal.
gw ngomong gitu karena di komentar pertama lo lebih berat klo pernikahan yg dijodohkan itu lebih berhasil daripada yg atas dasar pilihan sendiri..
ReplyDeleteterus lagi, gw persempit pada wanita2 di india. gw ngeliatnya, wanita disana nggak punya banyak pilihan even dia tertindas even sekarang udah abad 21. kultur disana kan masih kental laki-laki diatas perempuan, perempuan cerai itu aib buat keluarga.. jadi lo nggak bisa bandingin amerika dan india. bukan apple to apple..
gw sendiri setuju dengan komentar lo yang kedua. however i dislike it, that perjodohan atau bukan TIDAK menentukan keberhasilan pernikahan.
pernikahan yg berhasil itu gimana?? buat gw adalah dimana kedua belah pihak menghargai masing-masing pribadi dan saling percaya.. sayang dan cinta pasti, tapi klo udah nggak ada rasa percaya, mending nggak usah deh... sounds cliche??
Niko, uhmmm iya, poin lo bener disitu, US ga bisa disamain dgn India.
ReplyDelete@firman: hihihi.. udahan yah??
ReplyDelete@rani & ninit: ternyata debat itu asik yah.. gw merasakan sedikit pergerakan di otak gw.. agak2 tersendat sih, karatnya udah banyak..