Life after You

You..
The one asking me to walk together
Want me to go stay with you forever.
I was the one walking to you instead,
You're not moving from where you stand.

Devastated, broken and lost
All i see was black and grey.
So far from what I was known most
So close to fade away.

I tried making peace with the heart
Collecting shattered pieces only God knows where.
But everyone knows its just like pulling dart
There are always holes left everywhere.

It might take all years long
To be back to the shape i know
To finally get along
To forget the wound and sorrow
To go after what i long
To achieve the dreams i grow

Now i stand on my own again
Free from all the pain
Because nothing will stay the same
Especially my life, after you..

Pulang

Ketika mata tak lagi saling pandang
Dan rasa sakit tertutupi luapan sayang
Pertengkaran pun tak menemukan titik terang
Sampai kapan kita bertahan dalam bimbang
Semua yang ada seolah jadi penghalang
Haruskah kita menerima nasib malang
Meratapi mimpi yang akan segera hilang
Atau merelakan hati kembali berpetualang
Ah, aku cuma ingin pulang

Till We Meet Again Mommy Riadany

Free scrapbook design made with Smilebox

This is for you mbakyu Riadany Tyas Hapsari we hope you like it, don't cry yet when you watch it, save it for later okay..
We will say goodbye with smile on our faces (this is a lie though), get your  pack of tissue ready when you say goodbye to us.. *teary eyes* 


hugs and kisses,
we who love you

Think! Then Write..

When in doubt, write!
That is what i always tell myself. To be true there are so many things that bother me at this current time that its become too complicated to put it in writings (I know I know, another excuse).

Why write? because you have to separate things that haywire in your mind into a tidy structure, story after story should be segmented so you could find which one distract you the most, for me its plenty. These are some of them:

Getting my Bachelor
In the end of 2011 I failed the D IV entrance test, now I'm not really sure if I should give it another try or just apply to another university here. I'm also still not sure what major to take: management or accounting. Accounting would be applicable later, but management sounds interesting, especially because I will meet accounting subject less >.<

Moving out

Earlier last month, we moved to the new office building, which is a bit further from my boarding house compared to the previous one. So far, the additional distance had already made me late twice. I'm starting to think to move out and find a boarding house which is closer to the office. The thing is, I'm happy enough with my current room, it's spacious, comfortable, clean and cheap, not to mention i had it painted violet! I'm not sure there's another place that offer a room with the same facilities at the same bargain. Maybe i need to search from now..


Confrontation
Lately there are some people that are really disturbing, the way they behave and talk are not pleasant. Its just really amazing how such person can make someone feel uncomfortable or even worse, hurt without realizing it, and i mean amazingly disturbing. Well, as one of those who are affected, i actually have the willing to confront and tell directly what i (or we) have in mind, but then again i thought the person might take that as an offensive gesture, and it can get worse when it is taken as a way to create conflict, i don't want that. The problem is, the unpleasant feelings remain..

There are other things that I'm not really sure of, but let me worry about that.. Its too much to share though, for now.. ^o^

Anyway, at this particular time, i really miss most of my friends..

Home

Being a devoted writer (blogger to be precise) is not easy my friend!

I lost my mojo to write for the last several months, causing my blog in a state of vacuum for quite a while. I know when starting this blog, responsibilities will come with it. This blog is not only a place to express my mind, it is also a work that I have to continuously maintain. Sadly things are easier said than done. Things after things, events after events passed by or sometimes just wander inside my head without me having a chance to put them in writings. Yes it is always easy to find excuses for what we’re doing, in the end of the day I could see myself as a big procrastinator.

But not today, not starting today..

This maybe just a little, but I’ll start writing again!

Let me share the latest thing happened in my life. Last long-weekend I went home to Makassar. For me going home is always a joy and a burden at the same time. Joy for meeting my mom, dad, siblings and friends. Burden for continuous demand from my dad to get married soon. Its not that I don't wanna get married, just not soon.. I don't think I'm ready for such responsibilities, yet everyone else around seem to take that as a minor thing.

Anyway, lets just forget that for a while and focus on the joy. Every time I come home, my youngest sister always lingers by my side. When I'm out with my friends she would come along, when she needs to buy things, she would ask me to accompany her, she even sleep with me. My mom said every time I left home she'd be very sad but she's growing now, she can manage her emotion better. She loves to eat yet a bit picky on foods.

-my baby sister and i-

Another thing about going home is meeting up with friends, its fun since I don't meet them on everyday-basis any longer, even a short meeting would mean a lot of fun. Last holiday I just met several friends back home, I catch up a lot with Hilda, the successful entrepreneur and bride-to-be, and Ryan, a busy interior designer, we spent time updating each other stories at a coffee shop.

-this time just the three of us-

Another meet up was with Uthar, Nunu and Angga, all of them are seniors back then in campus. We went for a late-lunch, hunting traditional snacks, wandering around Somba Opu, watching sunset and eating pisang epe at Losari Beach, then rushing back to my house to get prepared for Wira's wedding reception. That day i had kapurung, one of the traditional food from Palopo. It's served with grilled fish and raw chilli-tomato sauce. Actually I've been craving for this food for quite a while before i finally had it, thanks to Uthar. If any of you happen to visit Makassar please stop by at RM Tiga Putra, they offer various traditional foods, you should try!

-party of four-

In short, its a nice holiday, very short though. I love being surrounded by my sisters and parents (minus the fuss about marriage), i love shopping with my mom and sisters, i love hanging out with my friends, i love the weather, i love the foods too . I wish i could spend more time at home, away from the office routine, away from burdening thoughts, away from everything.

-sunset at Losari Beach, will be missing this for a while-

p.s: to Wira, if you read this, sorry for not putting the group photo at your wedding, couldn't find one with good quality ^^v

Let's Start Now!

Today is the World Anti-Corruption Day, let's keep in mind and heart to stay away from corruption in any form. Hopefully we can be free from corruption, maybe not now but sure we can!

Sounds too good to be true eh? Well, if it is too good to be true then maybe it is not true. Yes, when we're speaking of the truth then we need to see the reality now. Are we already living in an a corruption free society? I'd say no, because the corruption is obviously there. Sad right? But then, those who say yes are most certainly in denial.

Despite all the ugly truth we're facing, let's be optimistic, let us not kill our hopes. If everyone keep that in mind and heart, a "corruption free" society is not impossible anyway. The major concern for now is that many people are already pessimistic about such idea. Thinking that "corruption-free" condition is never possible to happen, especially here in our country. For me it is not impossible at all, i believe someday it will happen, and i believe there are a lot of people like me out there. Not only believing, but also trying to make it real. The question remains is: are we ready to be the ones who make it happen?

Start from small things.
Start from ourselves.
Start from now.

Bitter or Sweet?

Recently i stumbled upon this old saying:

"Make your words soft and sweet for you may have to eat them later"

We are social creatures, we interact with other people through communication, most of it orally. We sometimes can not control what we say to others, there are good things and bad things as well. Good things we say, whether we really mean it or not, always bring a good responses and make people who hear it fell good. in the other hand, when we say bad things, intentionally or not, we make people feel awful and sometimes hurt.

It makes me realize that the way i speak to people isn't always in a good manner, i also speak bad things to others, what worse is sometimes i speak bad about other people too. Eventually i - want it or not- have to deal with the consequences: i have to accept when people speak bad about me, or they say rude things to me. It hurts, i know.. But then again we always need to experience the pain to know that we don't want it, and others don't either.

I'm not saying that we have to sugar-coat everything we say, at least it would be a lot better if we say everything politely and think about what we're gonna say before we say it. But what about this, when a friend really need an awakening slap in the face? Well, easy.. Just tell the truth, but please don't be rude. (haha, it rhymes ^o^)

Yeah, i know that we are all human, and human make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we're allowed to make every single word that come out of our mouth as poisonous as the viper's venom.


I guess the moral is that we really have to watch our tongue. Well let me put it this way: if i have to eat my words, i want it as sweet as chocolate cake..

let's eat 'em up!!! ^o^

The Man Who Sweep The Patio

In some fiction, the stories, usually start with people who haven’t known each other but in some point start to notice that the other person have a particular habit, or signature outfit, or certain personality, or anything else that attract his/her attention. Now, this story is nothing like that. I know this particular person for almost 5 years now. At the beginning of our friendship the first thing that caught my attention is not the fact that he's a good basketball player in campus (to be true, i didn't even know he was), it was the missing connection between his full-name and nickname. It took me some times to realize that "Dhani" is the way others call him, Badia Ahmad Burhani. From the beginning we shared a lot of stories, but then again lately something tickles me. I started to notice this habit let say around 10 months ago. He’s doing it every Sunday morning or afternoon while having me on our weekend calls.

He always says, “I don’t like to see it dirty, full with dry leaves ”, then i will ask him to do it later. Then he will start telling me how fast those dry leaves cover up the patio while only 2-3 days ago the maid clean it up, and he doesn't like it. Its all up to you my dear, but for me you’re always a man who loves to tidy up almost everything, including the patio Yes, I really have to admit for this particular habit, he’s way up there on level 9-10 while I’m only on level 6-7. Oh come on, who would think to paint his own room only to get the sense of satisfaction, or cleaning the bathroom while no one else in the house want to do it. Not many man would do this, maybe not even women. Well at least i have less thing to worry on my future, hopefully i will always have someone i can rely on (especially on tidy up everything).\^o^/

So ladies and gentlemen, here i present you: The Man who Sweep the Patio.

My beloved man..

and he's still looking good while doing it

Here Comes The Bride

At this time of the year most of us probably receive a stack of nicely designed letters, beautifully engraved in smooth and thick papers, sometimes with pictures, and sometimes (well, most of the times) also comes via internet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you're thinking what i think, those are Wedding Invitation.

so beautiful right? they might be your future invitation

The consequence of receiving these many invitations is a lot. The down-side is that you might not be able to come to every single wedding party, especially when it takes you to fly to another island, even though you want it so bad. The up-side is that if you manage to come to these parties, it become an opportunity to do a brief-traveling all across the places you haven't visit before. Plus you got the chance to meet your friends whom you might not meet in quite sometimes.

What i like from a wedding party is the essence of the party itself which is to share the joy and happiness and gratitude to everyone, in return, all the attention and happiness and everything are also dedicated to the bride and groom (well,mostly for the bride), so basically everyone is happy.

Aside from that, I personally think marriage life will be a lot different with single life, or life with parents and siblings. Not that i have personally experience that, but you can simply tell by seeing those who already married. I don’t have problems with people getting married, in fact i want to get married, a bit later though. I am truly happy seeing my friends happy but then again my question would be: does happiness caused by marriage? For some people maybe it does, meanwhile for the others it doesn’t. But then again who am i to measure one’s happiness.

Maybe after all it's the wedding party that make people happy at the first place..

Rp 50.000

What does a Rp 50.000, - bill mean to you??

For most of us, it might be a quite small amount to spend daily, mostly for meals, or snacks, or gas for our bikes/cars. Some of us maybe even use it for going to the cinema, and still not enough.. In other occasion, we even need a lot more than that to dine in a fancy cafe or restaurant.

For an old man, who's still trying to sell newspaper at 8 in the evening to anyone he met, with such a desperate and tired face, that amount means a lot, yes a lot. That is the amount he need to buy medicines for his severely ill son.

What i'm trying to say is that for many of us, i'm sure, Rp 50.000,- is an insignificant amount. Its already fly away from our purse without us even realizing it. But for some people out there, who might be not as lucky as we are, this amount sometimes means a lot to them, and i believe many times we forget about it. We spend so many time mostly complaining about what we don't have, or about our job, or basically about anything that don't meet our expectation, that we forget to be grateful of what we already have. We easily forget that there are many people who don't even have things that we're complaining about.

All of us need to be reminded once in a while.

Farewell

At first i thought having your boss transferred to other city wouldn't feel this way. Apparently i was wrong..

Last week 3 bosses in my department got transferred to Jakarta, Bandung and Semarang. As already predicted since they already been here for four years. Everyone was happy since they're transferred to better places. Last week was full with Farewell Parties and present hunting. Finally this week all of them left. Two days ago, Pak Siswantoro went to Jakarta, yesterday i and several friends also accompany Pak Ramadani to the airport, he was leaving for Semarang and today Pak Yulfian is on the way to Bandung.

Probably i don't spend time with them as much as other colleagues do, but as the matter of fact working together for nearly 1 year makes me feel close with them. They teach me a lot of things just like father but at the same time treating me as a friend as well.

As they left, memories remain. Good bye our beloved fathers, never forget us..
Hopefully i will have another opportunity to work with them in a better place.

Say Hi to July!

I still remember the new year's party i had with my office collegues on the office rooftop, and suddenly now we're already on the halfway of year..

Yup, early this month i think the 7th month deserves a celebration. why? because we could pass 6 months, half of the year, of course with every ups and downs yet still have anything we have now: health, friends, jobs, family, practically everything we need. Thank God for every little thing we have, every protection we get and every blessing we receive.

Anyway, maybe most of us, including me, haven't do the best within the previous 6 months. But no worry guys, we can start doing our best now, its still better late than not at all. By doing our best i literally mean everything: in working, in having fun, in maintaining friendship and other relationships, basically in any other aspect of our life. Just like i was reminded several days ago: live your best live today as if you'll die tomorrow. So from now on, lets try to do the best in everything.


Hi July!

The Breakdown

Have you ever felt there were so many things that you want to say but they didn't come out right?or worst, they stuck in your head and heart only, unable to find the way out as chain of words..

Yes it is happening to me, not only the difficulty in saying things but i also find the difficulty in writing things. There are lots of things happened to me for the past several months. The emotions are overlapping and make me so overwhelmed with them that sometimes i can even cry for no reason. Not only once or twice, could be a lot of times.


I don't know why but recently i miss a lot of things..
I miss my dad reminding me not to come home very late as he always do.
I miss my mom asking me what i wanna eat so she can cook it (right now i want "sambel mangga").
I miss my sisters chattering about A to Z in my room, they are always that noisy but still i miss them.
I miss my brother consulting one or two things while he drives me to the mall and asking for some treat on the way home.
I miss my friends calling or text-ing me to hang out for some foods, movies or simply chat and gossip over coffee and tea in my case(i'm so craving for Starbucks' green tea latte).
I miss my fellow STAN EC-ers gathering for debate practices and heading to Warung Mamat afterward.

It is true that you start to miss things or people when they are no longer around you, now i understand that through and through.


Probably after 9 months in this city i finally break down.

Life Is A Matter of Choice

What would you feel if one night your ex-boyfriend called you to tell that he’s going to get married by this year with a girl that his family chose for him?

Well, okay...
To be honest i didn't like to hear that.
Not because he is going to get marry, but because he's gonna marry someone who he didn't choose by himself. Well, i supposedly feel happy for him but what happen to me was different, I was unable to have that feeling. Why? Lets take a look of what he just told me:
1. he's about to marry
2. with a girl he barely know
3. by this year
4. the marriage is arranged by the family

As an ex-girlfriend and a friend I have no problem with condition number 1, but when it comes t condition number 2-4, want it or not, it worries me, a lot that I can’t feel happy for him. If only the girl is his own girlfriend or someone he choose himself and the marriage is not within this year I guess I wont feel this way. I just don’t think it suits him as a person that I know, since he always told me – even on our last talk– that there are many things he wants to pursue, higher education is on the top list and marriage will be after everything’s achieved, so it is basically not a priority for him. But then again, who am I to judge..

Now, what would you feel if after telling the whole story about his arranged wedding, the same person say that actually he still really love you?
……………
Yup, silence is my first response, and then a lot of emotions mixed into - I don’t know- nothing I guess.. I mean, what’s the point of telling me at this very moment? Its not gonna change anything right? He’ll still get married anyway, and me? I’m still the same girl trying to pursue my happiness and dreams.

That night he told me that he felt as if he was pulled into the a river and eventually just follow the stream.. I told him that at the moment he follows the river stream, that is his choice..

I’ve moved on, somehow. I chose to move on..
I’ve made my choice, and I know I didn’t and will never regret a single thing about it..

I’m not trying to be a wise person, but for me everything that happen in our life is actually the consequence of what we choose beforehand.

Because that what life is all about, choosing our own way…

How do you know?

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, seorang teman saya di kantor, sebut saja Mbak Ambar, melontarkan pertanyaan kepada saya dan seorang teman yang lain, sebut saja Mbak Tyas.
“Bagaimana kamu tahu suami atau istrimu sekarang adalah orang yang tepat?”

Berhubung saya dan Mbak Tyas belum menikah jadilah kami bingung dengan pertanyaan itu. Melihat kami yang cuma terdiam dan berpandangan maka dia mengganti pertanyaannya..
“How do you know that you love somebody?”

Well, this is quite a question, up to now I couldn’t even explain in details how.. Somehow the question stick in my mind, I wonder what other people may think if they are given such question. So I texted my friends to know how they know..

These are responses from some of them. i write it just the way they wrote to me, without changing anything..

“Wah udah lupa, udah lama ga jatuh cinta,ha…ha… Apa y… Selalu kangen mungkin…” -Charliet Trisuligna, Set. Pengadilan Pajak-

“Kamu tak bisa tak mendengar suaranya dalam waktu yang lama”
-Alief Rasyidi, KPP Pratama Palangka Raya-

“Gmn y, y jadi seneng aja gitu klo ketemu, rasanya pengen ngelakuin ini itu bwt orang itu ^^ ” -Mike Damayanti, BPPK-

“Logika lu banyakan gak jalan bareng ma dy, Lu grogi ngomong ma dy, Lu selalu mikirin dy kebanyakan hal2 sepele, mendramatisir sikon lu ma dy”
-Faizal Riza, KPP Pratama Ambon-


“When u can’t stop thinking about him/her..and everytime you think about him/her, ur heart is overloaded with joy!” -Zul Fadjri, Alcatel-

“Lo seneng sekalipun cuma liat dia senyum. Lo ikut simpati liat dia sedih. Lo ga tega liat dia salah jalan. Lo pengen terlibat dgn kebahagiaan n kesulitan dia”
-Adjie Raharja, KPP Pratama Tanjung Balai Karimun-

“I don’t know exactly, I just feel it”
-Isti Hanifah, Dir.Jend.Kekayaan Negara-

“Kalo apa yang ada d pikiran lo cm dia. Apa2 keinget dia. Mau ngapain ingat dia. Klo ketemu bawaan jadi deg2an, grogi, gak kayak ketemu tman biasa. Things like that..” -Septianniko P., KPP Pratama Kuningan-

“When the stupid and normally annoying things become endearing. Irrationally so. N when you feel u can trust this person on a very intimate level. With all the pieces of you. The good and the bad” -Motti Getarinta B., Fasilkom UI-

“ Hmm, kepikiran dy terus gt.. mau makan inget dy, mau tidur inget dy, mau kerja inget dy, mau boker pun inget dy, hihihihihi”
-Helmi Zus Rizal, KPP Pratama Bontang-

“Dunno, just feel it”
–Arief Prayoga, Set. Pengadilan Pajak-

“Saat kamu mulai bingung ttg apa yg kamu rasakan”
-Rahmat Irawan, Dir.Jend. Kekayaan Negara-

“Susah jawabna.. 1. Mungkin kamu deg2an klo deket dy; 2. Mungkin kamu biasa aja tp tenang bersamany; 3. Mungkin kamu tak pernah bisa berhenti membencinya; 4. Mungkin kamu terus berharap yang bagus2 bwt dy walau kdg nyakitin kamu; 5. Mungkin kamu bisa tertawa padahal dy g lucu” -Dwi Wulandari, BPPK-

“Selalu mikirin orang itu, selalu ingin ngasih perhatian ke orang itu, yah deg2an aja kalo ketemu” -Ersa Saefuloh, KPP Pratama Bireun-

“Everything seems right when your love around..”
-Uthar Mukthadir, Badan Pemeriksa Keuangan-

“if I feel she is the one.. Bila kelima indera gw merasakan kehadirannya jika gw deket ma dia. Karena jangan sampe terjebak dalam cinta buta, dalam kamus gw gak ada cinta buta, jika cinta tdk dapat dilihat, rasakan dengan keempat indera yang lain..” -Syah Rizal Alief, KPP Pratama Jayapura-

“Kalo lo ditanya kenapa lo suka dengan orang itu dan lo jawab ga tau alasannya artinya lw cinta ma dy ” -Ryan Brillyan, Deco Abadi -

“Emang ada cara untuk tau kapan kita mencintai orang itu?”
-Christian de Vano, DJKN Jayapura-

“Bukannya sok anak baik tp gw gay akin pernah mencintai seseorang di luar anggota keluarga. Jadi yang gw rasain ke keluarga inti gw adalah g pengen jauh, ga pernah ngrasa bosen, ga pengen bikin mereka sakit (marah, kecewa,dkk), selalu ada pemakluman untuk sikap dan hal2 yang ada pada mereka, yang paling2 adalah kecanduan!!” –Hesria Menur, KPP Pratama Banjarmasin-

"Ketika kamu tersenyum melihat orang yg kamu cintai bahagia meskipun bahagiany bukan denganmu" –Badia Ahmad Burhani, Kanwil DJP Kaltim-


Well, those are some different comments from my friends. At that time I personally answer, “when you feel the chemistry”, sounds cliché? Well maybe, but that’s how I can explain it. You’ll never know when, you just feel..


What about you readers, how do you know that you love somebody?